tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-299139202024-03-07T22:31:06.165-05:00Simply SAHDThis is a stream of conscious blog from a Stay At Home Dad. Issues will cover life at home with the kids, the spouse, the fam and anything else that grabs my attention.dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1166410933734352952006-12-17T21:50:00.000-05:002006-12-17T22:02:13.756-05:00Oh Yes! Wife.Imp IS a Joy-Sucker!!<span style="font-family:arial;">Now before you guys start with the bedroom eyes, <span style="color:#ff0000;">envisioning crushed, red-velvet curtains and wall hangings, a king-sized, heart-shaped bed</span> <strong><span style="font-size:85%;color:#ff6600;">(that vibrates)</span></strong>, and cheesy-1970s soundtrack playing in the background, let us just say that the the only thing I know of named Joy, works with Barbara Walters on 'The View.'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So, how is it that wife.imp is now known as <strong>'Joy-Sucker'</strong> here at the Playground?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">We were on our way to Church this a.m. and discussing what girl.imp could do career-wise with her penchant for drawing <span style="font-size:85%;">(and perhaps enrolling her into art classes this summer)</span>.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">wife.imp:...you know if you want to be an artist you can go to school to be a Graphic Artist and not have to worry about being a starving artist. <span style="font-size:85%;">(Tony this sound familiar?)</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">girl.imp: Huh?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">me: mommy is sucking the joy out of being a Starving Artist, honey!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">girl.imp: Mommy is a Joy Sucker!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152491766827421622006-07-09T19:34:00.000-05:002006-07-09T19:39:08.960-05:00We have Moved to a New HomeHello.<br /><br />We have moved and can now be found at "Imps Playground"<br /><br />impsplayground.blogspot.comdennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152382322002336822006-07-08T12:57:00.000-05:002006-07-08T13:12:02.013-05:00Identity Crisis<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Since beginning this blogging experience I struggled with a name and settled on Simply SAHD.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">However the wife imp has stated repeatedly that it is too wimpy, feminine even. SOOOO, it just might be time for a name change. Because the wife imp does not criticize quite so bluntly. In fact, in most cases she hedges around the topic until:<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">1- I either do not clue in and she loses her patience</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">2- I actually discover/see the hint and make immediate use of the knew knowledge</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">(This blog falls into the latter category)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am looking for something snappy that encapsulates the aura/feel of this blog. Something that is readily identifiable.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am thinking: (drumroll please)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">P.IMP's IMPS</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">IMPS Playground</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">IMPS'R'US</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">Caramel Kids</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">What do you think?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Because come Monday Simply SAHD will have to be replaced...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">oh, please pardon our mess during our remodeling...</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152380614720965052006-07-08T12:26:00.000-05:002006-07-08T12:43:34.766-05:00Weekend Blahs<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Today is one lazy day! The sun is out. There is an actual breeze coming through the windows. The imps are in the midst of cabin fever. This could be the terminal variety, as they are determined to find and torture that 'last nerve'.<br /><br />Simple answer...Why not take them outside? Let them run and play?<br /><br />Well, today is the Sister's annual hog roast and it is located on the far end of the State from our house. We also have to fix and prepare a covered dish (not even started yet). On top of that, who really wants to let the imps go out and get all grubby and sweaty then fight to bring them back inside the house so they can get baths then jump in the car and drive to the hog roast where the imps will run around outside and get all grubby?<br /><br />It is tooo damn hot folks!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">and because we are being lazy, b.imp has colored my windows, floors and front door purple and orange. g.imp and I have had a fairly extended conversation with her stuffed purple bunny doll. Meanwhile she has yet to finish her tomato soup (blood) that she asked the wife imp (does that make her the family w.imp?) to fix for her 11/2 hours ago.<br /><br />On the bright side, the car has been washed and organized (cleaned can never be used unless the w.imp--no, gotta go back to another name--TB1/2 (the better1/2)? Love of My Life (LOML)? --anyway if the Boss 'aint approved the effort it 'aint clean).<br /><br />No, dammit! I am going to make a stand. This is my blog and the imps are going to be clarified.<br /><br />We already have:<br /><br />daughter = g.imp (girl imp)<br />son = b.imp (boy imp)<br />wife = w.imp (wife imp)<br />me = d.imp (daddy imp)? f.imp (father imp)? p.imp? (papa imp?)<br /><br />I like what we are accomplishing here folks.<br /><br />Personally I am open to bets on how long the wife will allow herself to be called w.imp to my p.imp?<br /><br />any guesses?? </span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152322223602911382006-07-07T20:03:00.000-05:002006-07-07T21:44:03.940-05:00It could only happen for love<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">For a long time now we have been told that if men had to have babies, none would ever be born. This is essentially true.<br /><br />While I have walked (both with and without the 'aid' of crutches) with:<br />- broken toes -- I actually played 1/2 a football season with two broken toes<br />- torn leg muscles (it was the center of my right calf and yes, when you can feel the sides of the torn section rub against each other, it is safe to claim that it was more than a pulled muscle)<br />- and screwed up ankle tendons (the doc said it would have been better to break the ankle--turns out he was right) :<br /><br />I would never ever voluntarily ask to be pregnant. Thank God for women!!<br />I also am more that happy to skip that wonderful procedure called the 'Pap Smear'. The wife sometimes likes to put me in my place by reminding me that for her, this is a regularly scheduled procedure. It is her way of saying there is no sympathy forthcoming...<br /><br />But guys there is one procedure (and I would only suggest this as viable if you can find no other way to prove your eternal love and devotion) that you can volunteer for to prove your love to that special woman.<br />I found out about it after I proposed to the wife. Having gone through my early 20's trying to be a poor man's Don Juan, I felt that some things needed to be confirmed (no matter how much I 'knew' it to be true). SO I went and took the STD test.<br /><br />For those who never had this, it is where the medical practitioner (in my case a woman, and she had to be holding a grudge against someone. Lucky me!) jams a pine tree (ok, ok it was a verrry long Q-tip) <strong>deeeeeeep</strong> into the man's...let's just say that I really, really, really did not feel like peeing for a long time after!!<br /><br />However, it turns out that I was right and we had no worries...Well, I wondered if the 'helmeted hermit' would ever feel well enough to take up his duties again.<br /><br />So ladies, if you ever want your man to confirm his love, don't ask for diamonds, don't ask for flowers, just ask him to prove his love with one little test... </span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152282205997959292006-07-07T08:31:00.000-05:002006-07-07T09:25:09.360-05:00We're just waiting for our imps to be 'discovered'<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Every year for the past 6 years we have been waiting for that Hollywood producer to knock on our door with the fat contract and extra Oscar or two...<br /><br />Let's face facts here. The wife and I both agree that our kids are 'hooked' on drama like crackheads are hooked on their drugs. No intervention now will be successful.<br /><br />We lost g.imp at about 6 months:<br /><br />Yes even before g.imp could move around or even sit up on her own, she was honing her acting skills. One evening she was cooing and burbling at the Wife's feet (usually my position but let's not go there yet...), when the wife noticed g.imp had her hands in the air and was making those insistent baby sounds that mean 'Hug me! Kiss me! Come on already, Pick me up and give me some lovin, dammit!!'<br />(I am sure everyone remembers being given that look by their own imps...)<br /><br />So the wife picks g.imp up and proceeds to hug and kiss the girl (as well as sniff the 'baby scent' off of the top of her head. This I do not get. Never have never will. But if I could bottle actual 'baby scent' Bill Gates would not be the richest man in America).<br /><br />G.imp responded with the 'one-arm' hug with her other hand reaching behind for t.v. remote! Remember folks this was at 6-months..!<br /><br />At three years old she was hanging off the side of a shopping cart (no we did not permit this. She just jumped on the side) while we were in the check-out line and then promptly slid off, scraping her chin. Tears and wailing ensued, making us the center of attention at the busiest hub in the store. Wonderful!!<br /><br />g.imp sniffles and cries then gathers in a deep breath and wails, "I want...I want...I want to go to Bisney World!!"<br /><br />And just last year g.imp came flying around the corner of our stairs and just missed colliding with the wall. You did catch the part about not hitting the wall?<br /><br />Tears, wailing total crying jag ensues. Her reason for the drama? "I almost hit my elbow on the wall!!"<br /><br />Send in that OSCAR!!<br /><br />b.imp on the other hand has mastered the 'save me anybody these people beat me with thorn bush' type crying jags. I mean he reaaally takes pride in his work. If he thinks he is not getting the attention his effort deserves, he does not give up. He works even harder (sic: Louder).<br /><br />'If at first you don't succeed...' is going to be his life's motto. However it is possible to have a conversation with him during one of his fits...<br /><br />b.imp: (wailing screaming tearing of hair--you know--real Old Testament crying)<br />me: It's bedtime, we have to lie down now.<br />b.imp: (see above)<br />me: Ok, do you want me to read another book?<br />b.imp: (wailing continues) I want Animal Babies!<br />me: Not Dr. Suess? (I live for Fox in Socks and A Fly Went By)<br />b.imp: No, Animal Babies (note, crying is stopped)<br />me: ok, which ones?<br />b.imp: th..the tiger an..and th..the elephant!<br />me: tiger and elephant, right?<br />b.imp: uhuh<br />me: ok...tiger aaaand elephant. Here we go.<br /><br />(note there has been no crying from the time he selected the books until I sit on the bed next to b.imp with the books in hand)<br /><br />b.imp: (wailing ensues)<br />me: (WTF???) Which one should I read first?<br />b.imp: wail/cry/scream---the tiger--wail/cry/scream<br /><br />Now interchange this type of conversation for topic including, short pants v. long pants, water v. milk, mom brushing b.imp's teeth v. dad brushing b.imp's teeth etc...etc...etc...<br /><br />Oscars all around folks!<br /><br />Please hold the drama!!<br /></span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152224271952660742006-07-06T17:13:00.000-05:002006-07-06T17:17:51.963-05:00If you could see kid's futures, would you really want to?<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">My imps were outside playing with the n.imps (neighborhood imps) today and for a while all was well in my little corner of the kingdom.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The day was cool. The imps were running around, laughing and yelling and being generally happy. Then it happened. During a round of freeze tag -- hehe I got to be base (yea me!) -- the g.imp decided to hide under my chair and the b.imp tried crawling under after her. It was then that the eldest n.imp uttered these words: 'Bite her on the butt!'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After the crying and yelling subsided (b.imp apparently clamped down with gusto), the elder n.imp then uttered the following words : 'We were just joking! I didn't think he would actually do it!'</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em><span style="font-family:arial;">(now to complete this picture, add an expression that later in life that will be best described as '<strong>damn! Where the hell did that come from?'</strong> Ladies you've seen this expression lots right?)</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Of course all I could do was sit there, shrug and hope that this n.imp's future love interest was the forgiving sort...</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152211753494853022006-07-06T13:35:00.000-05:002006-07-06T13:49:13.506-05:00The Good 'Ole Days<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">No, I am not talking about how we used to walk uphill, barefoot, in 4 feet of snow, both ways...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am talking about swimming lessons. The key focus here being on lessons. This year is year two for g.imp and she is still in the beginner ('Hello kids! This is water...') class.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I remember when we had lessons as kids. Mom would wake us up and have us to the pool by 8:30 a.m. (g.imp has to try and roll out of bed by 10:30 to make her 11a.m. lesson). The water was cold and we had to (don't blink here folks) learn actual swim-type movements. Ok in year one we splashed like mad and learned to float on our backs. Year two was kicking and the basic Crawl Stroke.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Year two for g.imp is...splashing and the instructor throwing rings around in the water and having the kids try to leap through them like some type of cheap Shamu replacements...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Well it looks like to truly teach the imps to swim, we'll have to go to the waaay back 'Good 'Ole Days'. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yes, if things keep trending this way, I might be forced to toss the imps into the deep end..!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152069365736452352006-07-04T22:03:00.000-05:002006-07-04T22:16:05.746-05:00Oh this was actually funny<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">b.imp went to sleep very early tonight. We had hopes that he would still sleep through as it was only really 1 hour earlier than usual. Once more he defied our hopes and expectations and woke up around 10 p.m.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Around 11 p.m. he asks if he can have something to eat. Well, no! This is not an 'all-night' greasy spoon. We are not going to encourage our kids to snack until the wee hours of the morning.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">We are a unified front on this! That is until the tears start... Then we find out who truly is the 'king of the castle'.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After listening to b.imp cry for a record 10 seconds the Boss turned her puppy dog eyes on me...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">TO NO AVAIL! I am a rock here folks. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Then she added pouty lips...So along with his slice of fresh banana bread I also got b.imp some ice cold water.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yep, just call me Jello.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">There is a game called Spider Solitaire on our computer. I have gotten fairly good at the easy version. It is a game that goes quickly and one does not have to think too hard to win. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">In completing her first game, on her first attempt, g.imp beat my best score by 10 moves.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I plan on giving her the remote to the VCR later this week...</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152068178535412692006-07-04T21:13:00.000-05:002006-07-04T22:59:14.360-05:00More on 'Reading Others'...<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I love reading the posts of other bloggers (yes, I routinely read all the people I have linked on this page and I hope to add more). Ok enough with the shameless promotion, both of self and others.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Mama of 2 had a wonderful blog today. I am posting this one day early so this is my actual post for Wed. As I will not be home today (er...tomorrow).</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">By the way has anybody seen that Liberty Mutual commercial where the dad in a bathrobe stands in front of his garage reading a paper until the daughter and friend both 'buckle up?'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">How cool is that dad!! I bet he is a SAHD too!! (ok, really this is the end of the shameless promotions!)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Mama of 2 posted a wicked funny blog about 'Get Rich Quick' schemes and how they backfire on those naive enough to give them a try.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I had two experiences with (ok, one is my parents) with Amway. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">1- Mom and Dad had some very close 'friends' when they lived in WV. But since both mom and dad were from the Buckeye State, dad found a way to move his career back to the home State. After the move their friends would keep in touch with phone calls and letters and one day actually asked if they could make a visit.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">My parental units were delighted. Plans were made, special meals prepared and babysitters lined up. The kids were to spend the night elsewhere, so as not to interfere with the adults.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So the big night arrives, the couple arrives and, proceeds to set up a slide projector and an easel (the one with the poster sized paper) and spends 21/2 hours trying to sell mom and dad on how great Amway was. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">They would not move off of the topic. At all.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Now folks, dad is not a soft target here. I have seen him invite a vacuum salesmen into his house and have the poor soul completely clean his house just to get the free 2-liter of soda offered.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Imagine what his reaction was to his 'friends' sales pitch. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The year was 1979 and we have not heard from these people once from that night to present...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">2- The Wife worked at a local bank branch and met one of her customers at a grocery store. The man then 'whipped out' his Amway pitch and being bred with manners, she politely listened and invited him to our house.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After listening to his sales pitch and making polite remarks like, 'I might be able to show that to some people at work' or 'wow, a cleaning product like that would be nice,' we managed to get Mr. Amway out of the house (apartment). But first we scheduled another meeting in which we were supposed to cough up $200 for the basic starter kit (and if we sold anything 75% of our sales would go to Mr. Amway). </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After crunching the numbers, for which both of us already knew would come out unfavorably toward us, the Boss informed me that she had an appointment on the day we were to again meet with Mr. Amway.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Huh? Apparently I was better at this type of thing (confrontations) and would I please handle the matter (send him packing like a Carpetbagger during the Reconstruction of the South). Oh, since he was a 'valued' customer of the bank, could I nice about it?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The meeting with Mr. Amway started out nicely, until I informed him we were not interested. Seeing his money vanishing, Mr. Amway tried guilting it out of me. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"What about all those things you said about selling to your co-workers and how much you liked the product?"</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Well, he had me there. I did say those things. I could only look him in the eyes and tell the truth.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"Well, to be honest I lied. I really had no intention of doing this."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"Why the hell did you invite me over here if you were not interested?"</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"I never actually invited you. (the boss) did and she was just trying to be nice."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">A few more attempts at cracking my wallet open ensued and then this line was tossed out...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"So what do you have against making money?"</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">EXCUSE ME? The government does not take as much earnings as Mr. Amway planned on taking. As a matter-of-fact, he sat there with a Cheshire Cat smile on his face as he told us how much we stood to lose (er...gain).</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Keeping in mind that he was a valued customer, I clamped down on my natural tendencies. Being a red-head, from a very competitive family largely dominated by boys, well let's say that IF I lost my temper I would have been patching dry wall for a week!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Instead I did rather firmly invite his ass to leave. However, I did leave the question of whether or not the patio door was opened or shut as he left to be up to his discretion.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">It really is true. One should never go into business with Family or Friends.</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1152046648162985632006-07-04T15:57:00.000-05:002006-07-04T16:00:14.463-05:00Things that Irritate<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">1- Kids having kids! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yes this is a big item to head up this list but we ran across a huge example of this last night. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">On the way home from our city's fireworks extravaganza we were temporarily stopped by the couple in front of us (ok they were ahead of us by approx 20 feet). While they paused for a quick grope, their stroller, complete with baby, started rolling back toward us. Fortunately the crowd was pretty full and it did not make it far. and yes the couple in question looked to be still in high school. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">egads!!! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">2- Crowding Seats in Restaurants </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">No, I am not talking about crowded restaurants. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am talking about being the only patrons in the establishment when another party comes in and picks the table next to you. I mean there were at least 15 other tables/booths in the place! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Find a seat somewhere else! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">3- How hard is it to make a cafe au lait? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">This place we ate at today had what my wife's former boss terms a 'fru-fru' menu. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So how hard is it for a place that specializes in Smoothies, Flavored Coffee, Capuccino and Teas to make a steamed milk/coffee combo? They did not even know what the drink was!! Come on! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">For 3 bucks a cup I almost expect the cup to trot out to the table, drink the coffee itself and offer to clean the table! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">4- Just how big is Super-Size?? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">We ordered a KFC meal the other day and found out it came with a drink. Ok, So throw in a glass of pop (for those outside the mid-west that would be a soda to you). Turns out the glass was about One Liter of pop (soda). </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Hardee's is by far the worst offender. I recently made the mistake of assuming I knew the sizes. When prompted I said - Medium. What I got was a sandwich I had to hold with two hands and a spatula, fries that equated to two whole Idaho Potatoes, and a drink keg. If what I was given was the 'Medium' in size, what the hell would large be? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The cup holders in my car are already too small for the current size (although I could have strapped the cup into the empty passenger seat with the seat belt). </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am truly amazed and a little scared with the way our fast food industry is trending...<br /></span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151899625174279822006-07-02T22:49:00.000-05:002006-07-02T23:08:56.103-05:00Dog Days of Re-runs<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">During the slow days of summer when nothing is on t.v. (and yes we have over 80 channels and there is nothing on...)<br />What tapes do you pop into the 'ole VCR.<br /><br />1- Ohio State University Football. Since the Boss is also a fan, I can usually find a game from 2002 to present that she will enjoy. Favorites include past wins in any Fiesta Bowl or vs. UM.<br /><em>- I also have 3 or four of Tim Chang's better games when he was playing for Hawaii.</em><br /><br />2-John Wayne. However, the wife is not a true fan and I am limited to <em>McLintock, The Quiet Man, The Searchers, She Wore A Yellow Ribbon</em> or <em>Fort Apache<br /></em><br />3- <em>House of Flying Daggers</em> (this one is on hiatus at the moment as I simply wore out its welcome)<br /><br />4- ANY <em>Thin Man</em> movie<br /><br />5- any <em>LOTR</em> - this would truly be my number one (yes even over an OSU football game) however they are usually too long to pop in late at night...<br /><br />6- <em>Casablanca</em><br /><br />7- Any <em>Harry Potter</em><br /><br />8- <em>Fiddler on the Roof<br /></em><br />9- any <em>Fawlty Towers</em> episode<br /><br />10- <em>His</em> <em>Girl Friday</em></span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151763183473108432006-07-01T08:52:00.000-05:002006-07-02T20:41:55.320-05:00Reading Others<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I have sometimes mentioned reading other blogs. Today, Chag over at Cynical Dad caught my attention. Primarily because our g.imp is doing exactly what his daughter is doing, pretending she does not hear us. Answering our every question or comment with 'What' or 'Hunh', was less than funny.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After catching on to what was happening, I decided it had to end. I must admit that a cousin whom I used to admire is really my inspiration for parenting. At one family reunion, I saw her chasing after her kids, trying to get them to listen to her. Even at the far end of the field from the action, I could still hear her cries: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">'<em>...Two...Three! I said three! I am not going to going to count again! Listen to me! I said three!...'</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">At that moment I vowed my own kids would never get that out of control. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So when g.imp pretended to be deaf, I had to come up with a quick solution. My usual response has been, "Are you sure you didn't hear me?" </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Kids, my kids anyway, really do not like questions that could possibly have two wrong answers.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The usual response has been:<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp (b.imp has yet to start with this educational program): ummm</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">me: so what did I say?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp will then repeat verbatim the statement/question thus ending the exercise.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">On those rare occasions when she cannot, we have taught her to respond with "I did not hear what you said, can you please repeat it?"</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">If that magic phrase does not pop out of her mouth, someone could find herself holding the stairs in place with her hiney or holding a wall up with her nose. (but only for a minute or two)</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151761871575322802006-07-01T08:16:00.000-05:002006-07-01T08:51:13.260-05:00Shakespeare, Imps and Fireflies<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">We took the imps to see Shakespeare performed in a local park last night. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">We were a little concerned about how the evening would turn out. Me, because the imps did not nap during the day (thus foiling my plans of having relaxed, non-cranky children) and the Boss was worried how I would behave (knowing I am not a fan of hanging out in large crowds. At least those crowds not painted in Scarlet and Gray chanting O-H-I-O!!) </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">However, this particular play has been raved about by my Better1/2's boss for a couple of years now. It seems her children love this play and they are only a year or so older than our imps. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Now before you start wondering about our sanity, taking children to see Shakespeare. I would like to state, that they were doing all of the Bard's plays in one sitting. A few program notes were also noted: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">a) Large sections of text were deleted. 'Romeo and Juliet' was completed in just under 4 minutes!! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">b) The acting style was just short of improvisation (yet seemed utterly unplanned) </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">All-in-all, very very funny. Even the imps were captivated by the antics on stage. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Until Intermission. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">That's when the fireflies came out to play. And seeing that we were in a park we let the imps run. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Within minutes g.imp returned with her fists clenched tight. For being such a small girl, it really was amazing how many fireflies she could hold in each hand. I think she dropped close to twenty on our blanket on her first go.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"> If you have never seen fireflies crawling en masse in a contained area, think roaches with flashlights! Daddy had to pinch himself to verify he was not seeing some nightmarish vision from his college days! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Around this time b.imp got into the act. He caught his own firefly (note - b.imp was perfectly happy with catching the bugs 1 at a time!). He then decided he loved his firefly and announced, to the crowd's enjoyment, that he was going to kiss the bug. Apparently the bug was not as affectionate and not feeling the love returned, b.imp upped his affection quotient and popped the whole bug in his mouth!! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Thinking that this was a good time to distract the b.imp, my Better1/2 offered him a bottle of water. The boy loves to drink water like the grownups and forgot about the bug (which was retrieved unharmed). </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">For a boy who still thinks it is funny to grab his dirty diapers in mid-change, our b.imp can be quite fussy about his clothes. Like, if he spills his drink on his clothes he must change them or, at least, take off the wet duds! I remembered this little personality quirk when the crowd around us began chuckling. However a quick check revealed that the actors had not returned to the stage. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">No, b.imp was chasing after his sister with his pants down around his ankles...<br /></span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151693826817945432006-06-30T13:43:00.000-05:002006-06-30T13:57:06.826-05:00I am not above bogarting ideas...<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">and Mrs. Fortune had a great post today on the nostalgia of lost tech. For her it was the memories of a rotary telephone. That got me to thinking about all of the phones that our family owned.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">When we moved into the house where my parents now live, I was in 2nd grade and rotary phones were the norm (and in our area so were party lines). But the great thing about our town was that we only had to dial 5 numbers for a call anywhere in our town. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I cannot tell you how great it was for a kid to not have to dial those extra two numbers!! Then they came out with cordless phones (these phones had push buttons but still dialed. You know if you pushed 2 there were two clicks, if you pushed 6 there were 6 clicks, etc...). What really sucked about these phones was that if you pushed the buttons too fast the machine would get confused and lock up while dialing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The reaaaaally great thing about the original cordless phones is that you could listen into conversations with a radio! And at the time this was still possible, my older brother was entering that phase in life where sex with his girlfriend was more an actual fact and not a wet dream.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Even better was if one had a radio that had a tape recorder/player built into the unit, then one had blackmail material for years and years!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151614126247988032006-06-29T15:40:00.000-05:002006-06-29T15:48:46.256-05:00When Dad cleans...<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">We celebrate! Cigars for everyone! Yes, I just cleaned the kitchen and ran the dishwasher!!<br />Now, many of you might be thinking..<br /><br />"Yeah, So??"<br /><br />Well, you are probably right. I do the kitchen and dishes all the time. But today was the first day that I actually dirtied dishes so that I could fill up the dishwasher in order to run it at an almost full capacity.<br /><br />In past years I might have just slapped some detergent into the machine and fired it up! Then the Better1/2 would have lectured me on the cost value of running a nearly empty machine, wasting water and "Why did I not just wait until it was full?"<br /><br />Yes folks, 'a man can learn' given enough time and repetition...<br /><br />Now I am trying to decide if making brownies in an effort to create dirty dishes was really the direction I should have gone in lieu of my current efforts to lose weight...<br /><br />Any thoughts? </span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151590353648227002006-06-29T09:08:00.000-05:002006-06-29T14:36:24.636-05:00The Imps<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4179/3198/1600/05%202006%20Capitol%20grounds%20DRSB%20hubad.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4179/3198/320/05%202006%20Capitol%20grounds%20DRSB%20hubad.jpg" border="0" /></a>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151555834901051132006-06-28T23:17:00.000-05:002006-06-28T23:37:14.910-05:00Canadian Terrorists must abound!!<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yep, yesterday I learned that there is a great terror threat coming out of Canada. Which was quite a relief because I was starting to believe that those damn mounties were going to steal our money!<br /><br />Ok, we really did not think the mounties were in the process of stealing our money but we did order a composter from a Canadian manufacturer and they were 2 weeks late in delivering. I called the company hoping I did not pick one of those fly-by-night online companies that was currently thanking me for my donation while its sole representative was on a beach somewhere sipping rum and coconut drinks.<br /><br />It turns out since a terror alert was recently raised along the US-Canada border, packages being shipped across the border (North to South) needed to update (re: change) their shipping order codes. Because my package had not been updated it got shipped from the border back to Quebec.<br /><br />I mean come on! Terrorists from Canada? Did anybody else ever watch the movie "Canadian Bacon?"<br /><br />Give me a break here! I am trying to score a few points with the Better1/2 <strong>and</strong> help save the environment and <em>Canadian Terror threats</em> <strong>delay</strong> the shipment!!!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Geez!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151463447254295692006-06-27T21:05:00.000-05:002006-06-27T21:58:57.463-05:00The Imps are at it again!<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">While enjoying the sunshine today and reveling in the fact that Nature was where it belonged -- outside of my house -- </span><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp and n.imp were playing near one of the trees next to our house, using g.imp's toy scissors to cut grass blades. I then heard the following: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp: look, I cut one of its legs in half! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">n.imp: what was it? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp: a daddy long-legs. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Whoa Nelly! Daddy on the move! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I immediately relieved g.imp of the scissors and sent her inside. After sending n.imp home, I gathered b.imp up <em>(he was chewing on leaves or eating dirt or something. Whatever-- it was quiet)</em> and rushed inside to discipline our darling little bug killer.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The confrontation: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Me: what did you just cut? </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp: a spider </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:78%;">(<em>knowing I am about to drop the boom on her, g.imp looked surprisingly, well, pissed at me)</em></span></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">me: We don't go around killing things! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em><span style="font-size:78%;">(well, not since that particular joy was taken away from daddy during his college years. After meeting mommy, daddy had to give up killing roaches with aerosol cans and matches...)</span></em> </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp: but I hate spiders! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yep, that's daddy's little girl. If you know you are already in trouble, jump in with both feet! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Fast forward a few hours. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The Light of My Life arrives home with a desire to take g.imp shopping for a new bathing suit because g.imp starts swim lessons next week!! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So they find some swimwear that is: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">a) not a skimpy bikini</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">b) manages to cover most of g.imp's body </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em>(I can barely believe it. It takes over two hours and a minor miracle to find a bathing suit for a child that does not scream 'SkanK!')</em> </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So after finding some suitable options the Better 1/2 takes the imps to the dressing room. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><em><span style="font-size:78%;">(The dressing room has little cubicles that have actual doors and one cubicle that only has a curtain. At this juncture I would like to say that our grass was at least 8 inches high and I really, really did have to mow the lawn tonight)</span></em> </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">The wife passes the curtained cubicle (the curtain was shut) in favor of a room with a door. G.imp Could not pass it by that easily and whipped the curtain open revealing a woman in the midst of -- well she was not wholly covered.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">As the wife is 'stroking out' she manages to close the curtain and hustle g.imp into one of the open cubicles. On his way past, b.imp chooses yet another inappropriate moment to emulate his older sister and once more pulls open the curtain. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Poor, Poor woman. However the Better 1/2 had time to recover while choosing the appropriate bathing suit for g.imp. So on the way out she was feeling quite normal and happy with her choice until she heard the sound of a curtain being jerked open, accompanied by the b.imp's following announcement: </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"I want to see the naked lady!" </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yep, that's my boy!! </span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151440458086515652006-06-27T15:13:00.000-05:002006-06-27T15:35:28.950-05:00I might be losing this fight<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I sometimes long for the days when our g.imp was more rough and tumble. There was a time when she was in daycare that this worry was non-existent. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">When I picked g.imp up one particular afternoon, we had a discipline report also waiting for us. It seems our precocious g.imp left rather deep teeth marks in another child's arm.<br /><br />Normally this is not an occasion to cheer, but even the staff was reluctant to discipline our g.imp on this occasion. It turns out she was only retaliating because the other child bit her first! Upon hearing this I informed the little one that she was going out for an ice cream treat.<br /><br />I do not personally endorse fighting, but as dad informed me so many years ago: 'I better not ever hear about you starting a fight. But if you do have to get into one, you damn well better finish it!'<br /><br />There was a time I believed g.imp understood this...<br /><br />She now lets little things like size intimidate her. And being the good father that I am, I cannot step in and solve her problems. Well not directly.<br /><br />Enter the n.imp (neighborhood imp). This darling is bigger than our imps and generally good natured but she has a definite 'I am in charge' personality. Our g.imp has a definite 'I want to be the center of attention' personality.<br /><br />Makes for fun times when they are together.<br /><br />I keep thinking 'if only g.imp will show more backbone. '<br />or 'gee a left cross right about now would feel good!'<br />But then I remember even I have not thrown a punch in anger in over 25 years. So I guess I am stuck working on this backbone issue.<br /><br />Workout Commitment:<br />-failed in completing the final 2 cycles of last night's run.</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151385177852855362006-06-26T23:22:00.000-05:002006-06-27T00:19:58.576-05:00More about the particulars<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">For those not 'In the Know,' which I sincerely hope takes in everyone currently reading this, this is my second go at blogging. In my first attempt, I was more of an angry 'I cannot believe my family is treating me this way...Where is the damn support??'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So this time when we cut back our hours (again. We really, truly want to be a 1 income family and I would need to rob several banks per year to match the better 1/2's annual income) I was not surprised when grandpap busted out the 'so you're going back to babysitting again?'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Dad was born in a different generation when men were men and women did all the clean-up work at family gatherings. He apparently holds similar hopes for his sons (and daughters??).</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So with granddad offering up his opinions, one might think that we would try not to conversate with this man.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Wrong! While topics to avoid with dad include, lifestyle, politics, religion, health, career and/or education, he is still a highly educated, funny person.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Example:</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">when he was younger my brother had a car accident where the car went airborne and struck a tree. My brother bounced around the car and ended up in the ER with a nasty head wound. When my dad arrived they were about to shave my brother's head and stitch him up.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Dad's only comment?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"Can you shave 'buckle up, dumbass' on the other side?"</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Ok, we are a weird family and I am blessed that my wife puts up with me. But let us look at the elder brother, shall we?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Our little sibling (remember the hero of our car accident story above?) is living at the old sib's house while attending school. The sister-in-law has decided that life would be more bearable without the extra boarder. So in an effort to smooth things over, the eldest brother called a family meeting.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">(prior to expounding on this meeting let me just add that sis-in-law is an extrovert and baby bro is almost militantly introverted. For a good visual mix oil and water and you might understand how well things are going. Add gasoline and match if you want to add our eldest sib)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Issues at the moment are:<br />1 - not enough communication. Hell, little bro is not even married yet and this is STILL a major problem?? He may never walk down the aisle.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">2 - late night dishes left stacked neatly in the sink. In his defense, he was instructed by the 'king of the palace' not to do the dishes. Not that it helped him in the end...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">3 - not enough communication. How does one force and introvert to act like an extrovert?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So where is this long, lengthy and boring post leading?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Big bro opens his family meeting with:<br /><br />So, we are here today because there are some serious issues that need to be resolved. Little bro, the wife is upset because you have not spent enough time outside painting the trim around the house.'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF??? Sis-in-Law - WTF??)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Elder bro to wife: and honey, if you have a big problem with little bro's talking, just tell him to stick a sock in his mouth.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF?? You ass!! Sis-in-Law - WTF?? You ass!!)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Elder bro to wife (much later in the conversation): Ok honey, I have heard enough whining around here...So I guess I will shut up now.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">You simply cannot buy tickets to entertainment this funny!! and to think, I have ringside seats!!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151256851266804172006-06-25T11:55:00.000-05:002006-06-25T12:38:19.433-05:00Time for change<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">With Spring slowly moving into summer and inexorably toward the winter and Holidays, the food feasts are nearly upon us! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Yep, we are very nearly back to the stage of storing tha fat for winter!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Sooo, knowing my body's metabolism is nearly 10% as effective as it was, say, 20 years ago I have decided that a little help is needed.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Enter the 'Training Program'. I need to lose weight. No, I desperately need to lose weight! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">(after all, one cannot truly be a trophy husband if one is not tanned and fit with a full head of hair--ok, fit with a full head of hair. Tanning is not an event I will ever experience.)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">My target goal is to lose at least 20 lbs by Sept. (aggressive I know, but I will immediately be cutting out the junk food intake).</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I am also into the 2nd week of the 'Couch Potato to 5k' running program and I will begin weight training as well.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">yep, me me me me me me me</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">well back to the kids:</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">we went to the small-town festival near the zoo. 90 degree plus temps...almost no shade. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">However, a glass of lemonade, two tiny hotdogs and a funnel cake and our g.imp loudly proclaimed that she was 'in Heaven!!!'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Love these little festivals!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151208678984644072006-06-24T22:24:00.000-05:002006-06-24T23:20:33.600-05:00Well I was sitting working on a lame posting when...<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">our g.imp stumbled while hustling up the stairs. Yep, within 30 seconds blood was pumping out of her nose and within 5 minutes she was gargling it and spitting it out of her mouth.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Off to the ER...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">On the way there g.imp cried a little, whimpered a little, and feared a lot. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">After arriving and 'checking in' we sat. Probably because she stopped bleeding somewhere between our house and the ER. Not that I could tell, one would have had to break her arms to pry the towel off of her nose.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Then we were called in for the triage. As soon as the nurse asked her to remove the towel, it was flopped into my lap. G.imp Immediately started complimenting the nurse on the color of her scrubs (yep, not even 7 years old and she already knows how to work the room!). Then she proceeds to point to the huge blood spot on the towel and informs the nurse that mommy is going to have to use a lot of 'Shout' to get the stain out. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Performance repeated at Booth 3, before going back to see the doc. g.imp Also handled her DOB, address, phone number. Dad might as well have stayed in the car and listened to the game. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Just let me know when to pick her up at the exit...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Back in the examination room, I almost had to strap her to the bed as she was practically doing somersaults out of sheer boredom. Sooo, in order to keep herself occupied everytime g.imp spotted the doctor variations of this theme were announced:</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">g.imp: ok, he's coming our way...Nope! He's going somewhere else...Again!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Then she turns to me and informs me because she was here, she was now queen in our house for three weeks.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Of course I started to rationalize this and tried to talk her down...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">And then the big, sad puppy eyes and the fingers barely brushing the side of her nose,</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"but daddy, my nose hurts."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">...Damn...</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151123776219165532006-06-23T22:46:00.000-05:002006-06-23T23:36:37.103-05:00Are we really that afraid of failure??<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">J's Mommy at anothermommymoment.blogspot.com had an interesting post about how coddling our society has come. Personally I think she only experienced the tip of the iceberg!<br /><br />Coddling the kids has become mind-boggling/numbing where we live . The following examples actually occurred:<br /><br />1- during my student teaching phase, I was told not to grade any lower than a 'C' because the students would stop trying. This was a college-prep English course!!<br /><br />2- youth-league, athletic teams are not allowed to learn how to lose (therefore how to overcome adversity). At the end of each season everyone gets a trophy! I might be a godsforsaken, knuckle-dragging, Neanderthal but giving trophies to kids for losing like champions is not going to make the season any sweeter in their memories. A trip to the local ice-cream parlor on the other hand is (and was) better appreciated.<br /><br />3- This year we had 20 (count them now) TWENTY!! Valedictorians graduate from our high school and all but 3, ALL BUT THREE!! had greater than a 4.0 GPA!<br /><br />?????????WTF????????<br /><br />Because of this and other incidents like them, I truly believe our kids are not being taught how to make/and then learn from their mistakes. I truly believe that our kids are being encouraged to not reach for that goal that might not be attainable (on the first, second or even third attempt) because they know it does not matter.<br /><br />My own daughter has learned not risk anything new (unless being threatened/bullied by her uncaring parents). Why? Because if she does not try or fails, Hey! it's OK.<br /><br />No risk, same reward!!<br /><br />So, being the proactive dad that I am, the g.imp is currently enrolled in summer acting classes.<br />(there will be future blogs why we have a future Oscar winner)<br /><br />I realize that I am going to, potentially, be the poster boy of bad parenting here, but I seriously believe that if my kids got passing grades and I could prove they literally made no effort, I would go to the school and demand they lower the grades to the appropriate level!<br /><br />We want them to get involved with sports and learn what it is like to fail, no matter how hard they might try.<br /><br />The key point is that 2nd place should not be rewarded like 1st place and that losing actually sucks!<br /><br />They need to learn this so that they can overcome adversity later in life. No business out there, that I know of, wants to put the time in to teach these lessons to their prospective employees. They simply have too much to lose if they are risking their future viability on employees that do not know how to turn adversity into success!<br /><br />These lessons need to be learned now!</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29913920.post-1151004393499515362006-06-22T14:04:00.000-05:002006-06-22T14:26:33.530-05:00One would think I could learn...<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Before married life, I was happily ignorant social graces. Being single meant that I could cook what I wanted and eat it anywhere in the apartment. And cleaning meant scaring the roaches out of site before guests came over and if anyone ever offered me something I liked, they certainly did not have to ask twice!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I have since learned about the 'Offer Three Times' rule. Apparently if someone offers me something that I like, I have to make them offer it to me three times before accepting. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">For instance, while visiting my fiancee (now wife) at her home in the Philippines her father offered me a plate and gestured to the buffet. Me, being hungry and the only white man there, gladly took the offered plate and the opportunity to actually do something other than stand there wondering if anyone was talking about/laughing at me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Weeeell, I found out later that my bride-to-be was highly embarrassed by my actions. Yep, I should have politely declined her dad's orders and then made him repeat them at least two more times. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Sooo, fast forward 12 years. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Last night I was running some errands and called the better 1/2 to ask if she wanted a shake or something. She did say no. After arriving she saw that I actually did buy her a shake <em>(going on the premise that getting her something she did not want was better than not getting her something she later decided she might like)</em>. Anyway she twice more refused to take the shake. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I on the other hand finished my drink and decided to polish off the unwanted shake, without first discussing this possibility with the wife.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">About 1/2 hour after I started in on the shake, it turned out that she did want the shake.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">So, I get in trouble!!!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I followed the "Offer the damn thing 3-times rule!" but I forgot the caveat that states, 'if the person to whom the item is being offered is your wife, the 3-times rule is voided and the heretofore unheard of 4-times rule is now in effect.'</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Who knew?</span>dennishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14328680068431185409noreply@blogger.com2