and Mrs. Fortune had a great post today on the nostalgia of lost tech. For her it was the memories of a rotary telephone. That got me to thinking about all of the phones that our family owned.
When we moved into the house where my parents now live, I was in 2nd grade and rotary phones were the norm (and in our area so were party lines). But the great thing about our town was that we only had to dial 5 numbers for a call anywhere in our town.
I cannot tell you how great it was for a kid to not have to dial those extra two numbers!! Then they came out with cordless phones (these phones had push buttons but still dialed. You know if you pushed 2 there were two clicks, if you pushed 6 there were 6 clicks, etc...). What really sucked about these phones was that if you pushed the buttons too fast the machine would get confused and lock up while dialing.
The reaaaaally great thing about the original cordless phones is that you could listen into conversations with a radio! And at the time this was still possible, my older brother was entering that phase in life where sex with his girlfriend was more an actual fact and not a wet dream.
Even better was if one had a radio that had a tape recorder/player built into the unit, then one had blackmail material for years and years!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
When Dad cleans...
We celebrate! Cigars for everyone! Yes, I just cleaned the kitchen and ran the dishwasher!!
Now, many of you might be thinking..
"Yeah, So??"
Well, you are probably right. I do the kitchen and dishes all the time. But today was the first day that I actually dirtied dishes so that I could fill up the dishwasher in order to run it at an almost full capacity.
In past years I might have just slapped some detergent into the machine and fired it up! Then the Better1/2 would have lectured me on the cost value of running a nearly empty machine, wasting water and "Why did I not just wait until it was full?"
Yes folks, 'a man can learn' given enough time and repetition...
Now I am trying to decide if making brownies in an effort to create dirty dishes was really the direction I should have gone in lieu of my current efforts to lose weight...
Any thoughts?
Now, many of you might be thinking..
"Yeah, So??"
Well, you are probably right. I do the kitchen and dishes all the time. But today was the first day that I actually dirtied dishes so that I could fill up the dishwasher in order to run it at an almost full capacity.
In past years I might have just slapped some detergent into the machine and fired it up! Then the Better1/2 would have lectured me on the cost value of running a nearly empty machine, wasting water and "Why did I not just wait until it was full?"
Yes folks, 'a man can learn' given enough time and repetition...
Now I am trying to decide if making brownies in an effort to create dirty dishes was really the direction I should have gone in lieu of my current efforts to lose weight...
Any thoughts?
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Canadian Terrorists must abound!!
Yep, yesterday I learned that there is a great terror threat coming out of Canada. Which was quite a relief because I was starting to believe that those damn mounties were going to steal our money!
Ok, we really did not think the mounties were in the process of stealing our money but we did order a composter from a Canadian manufacturer and they were 2 weeks late in delivering. I called the company hoping I did not pick one of those fly-by-night online companies that was currently thanking me for my donation while its sole representative was on a beach somewhere sipping rum and coconut drinks.
It turns out since a terror alert was recently raised along the US-Canada border, packages being shipped across the border (North to South) needed to update (re: change) their shipping order codes. Because my package had not been updated it got shipped from the border back to Quebec.
I mean come on! Terrorists from Canada? Did anybody else ever watch the movie "Canadian Bacon?"
Give me a break here! I am trying to score a few points with the Better1/2 and help save the environment and Canadian Terror threats delay the shipment!!!
Geez!
Ok, we really did not think the mounties were in the process of stealing our money but we did order a composter from a Canadian manufacturer and they were 2 weeks late in delivering. I called the company hoping I did not pick one of those fly-by-night online companies that was currently thanking me for my donation while its sole representative was on a beach somewhere sipping rum and coconut drinks.
It turns out since a terror alert was recently raised along the US-Canada border, packages being shipped across the border (North to South) needed to update (re: change) their shipping order codes. Because my package had not been updated it got shipped from the border back to Quebec.
I mean come on! Terrorists from Canada? Did anybody else ever watch the movie "Canadian Bacon?"
Give me a break here! I am trying to score a few points with the Better1/2 and help save the environment and Canadian Terror threats delay the shipment!!!
Geez!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The Imps are at it again!
While enjoying the sunshine today and reveling in the fact that Nature was where it belonged -- outside of my house -- g.imp and n.imp were playing near one of the trees next to our house, using g.imp's toy scissors to cut grass blades. I then heard the following:
g.imp: look, I cut one of its legs in half!
n.imp: what was it?
g.imp: a daddy long-legs.
Whoa Nelly! Daddy on the move!
I immediately relieved g.imp of the scissors and sent her inside. After sending n.imp home, I gathered b.imp up (he was chewing on leaves or eating dirt or something. Whatever-- it was quiet) and rushed inside to discipline our darling little bug killer.
The confrontation:
Me: what did you just cut?
g.imp: a spider
(knowing I am about to drop the boom on her, g.imp looked surprisingly, well, pissed at me)
me: We don't go around killing things!
(well, not since that particular joy was taken away from daddy during his college years. After meeting mommy, daddy had to give up killing roaches with aerosol cans and matches...)
g.imp: but I hate spiders!
Yep, that's daddy's little girl. If you know you are already in trouble, jump in with both feet!
Fast forward a few hours.
The Light of My Life arrives home with a desire to take g.imp shopping for a new bathing suit because g.imp starts swim lessons next week!!
So they find some swimwear that is:
a) not a skimpy bikini
b) manages to cover most of g.imp's body
(I can barely believe it. It takes over two hours and a minor miracle to find a bathing suit for a child that does not scream 'SkanK!')
So after finding some suitable options the Better 1/2 takes the imps to the dressing room.
(The dressing room has little cubicles that have actual doors and one cubicle that only has a curtain. At this juncture I would like to say that our grass was at least 8 inches high and I really, really did have to mow the lawn tonight)
The wife passes the curtained cubicle (the curtain was shut) in favor of a room with a door. G.imp Could not pass it by that easily and whipped the curtain open revealing a woman in the midst of -- well she was not wholly covered.
As the wife is 'stroking out' she manages to close the curtain and hustle g.imp into one of the open cubicles. On his way past, b.imp chooses yet another inappropriate moment to emulate his older sister and once more pulls open the curtain.
Poor, Poor woman. However the Better 1/2 had time to recover while choosing the appropriate bathing suit for g.imp. So on the way out she was feeling quite normal and happy with her choice until she heard the sound of a curtain being jerked open, accompanied by the b.imp's following announcement:
"I want to see the naked lady!"
Yep, that's my boy!!
g.imp: look, I cut one of its legs in half!
n.imp: what was it?
g.imp: a daddy long-legs.
Whoa Nelly! Daddy on the move!
I immediately relieved g.imp of the scissors and sent her inside. After sending n.imp home, I gathered b.imp up (he was chewing on leaves or eating dirt or something. Whatever-- it was quiet) and rushed inside to discipline our darling little bug killer.
The confrontation:
Me: what did you just cut?
g.imp: a spider
(knowing I am about to drop the boom on her, g.imp looked surprisingly, well, pissed at me)
me: We don't go around killing things!
(well, not since that particular joy was taken away from daddy during his college years. After meeting mommy, daddy had to give up killing roaches with aerosol cans and matches...)
g.imp: but I hate spiders!
Yep, that's daddy's little girl. If you know you are already in trouble, jump in with both feet!
Fast forward a few hours.
The Light of My Life arrives home with a desire to take g.imp shopping for a new bathing suit because g.imp starts swim lessons next week!!
So they find some swimwear that is:
a) not a skimpy bikini
b) manages to cover most of g.imp's body
(I can barely believe it. It takes over two hours and a minor miracle to find a bathing suit for a child that does not scream 'SkanK!')
So after finding some suitable options the Better 1/2 takes the imps to the dressing room.
(The dressing room has little cubicles that have actual doors and one cubicle that only has a curtain. At this juncture I would like to say that our grass was at least 8 inches high and I really, really did have to mow the lawn tonight)
The wife passes the curtained cubicle (the curtain was shut) in favor of a room with a door. G.imp Could not pass it by that easily and whipped the curtain open revealing a woman in the midst of -- well she was not wholly covered.
As the wife is 'stroking out' she manages to close the curtain and hustle g.imp into one of the open cubicles. On his way past, b.imp chooses yet another inappropriate moment to emulate his older sister and once more pulls open the curtain.
Poor, Poor woman. However the Better 1/2 had time to recover while choosing the appropriate bathing suit for g.imp. So on the way out she was feeling quite normal and happy with her choice until she heard the sound of a curtain being jerked open, accompanied by the b.imp's following announcement:
"I want to see the naked lady!"
Yep, that's my boy!!
I might be losing this fight
I sometimes long for the days when our g.imp was more rough and tumble. There was a time when she was in daycare that this worry was non-existent.
When I picked g.imp up one particular afternoon, we had a discipline report also waiting for us. It seems our precocious g.imp left rather deep teeth marks in another child's arm.
Normally this is not an occasion to cheer, but even the staff was reluctant to discipline our g.imp on this occasion. It turns out she was only retaliating because the other child bit her first! Upon hearing this I informed the little one that she was going out for an ice cream treat.
I do not personally endorse fighting, but as dad informed me so many years ago: 'I better not ever hear about you starting a fight. But if you do have to get into one, you damn well better finish it!'
There was a time I believed g.imp understood this...
She now lets little things like size intimidate her. And being the good father that I am, I cannot step in and solve her problems. Well not directly.
Enter the n.imp (neighborhood imp). This darling is bigger than our imps and generally good natured but she has a definite 'I am in charge' personality. Our g.imp has a definite 'I want to be the center of attention' personality.
Makes for fun times when they are together.
I keep thinking 'if only g.imp will show more backbone. '
or 'gee a left cross right about now would feel good!'
But then I remember even I have not thrown a punch in anger in over 25 years. So I guess I am stuck working on this backbone issue.
Workout Commitment:
-failed in completing the final 2 cycles of last night's run.
When I picked g.imp up one particular afternoon, we had a discipline report also waiting for us. It seems our precocious g.imp left rather deep teeth marks in another child's arm.
Normally this is not an occasion to cheer, but even the staff was reluctant to discipline our g.imp on this occasion. It turns out she was only retaliating because the other child bit her first! Upon hearing this I informed the little one that she was going out for an ice cream treat.
I do not personally endorse fighting, but as dad informed me so many years ago: 'I better not ever hear about you starting a fight. But if you do have to get into one, you damn well better finish it!'
There was a time I believed g.imp understood this...
She now lets little things like size intimidate her. And being the good father that I am, I cannot step in and solve her problems. Well not directly.
Enter the n.imp (neighborhood imp). This darling is bigger than our imps and generally good natured but she has a definite 'I am in charge' personality. Our g.imp has a definite 'I want to be the center of attention' personality.
Makes for fun times when they are together.
I keep thinking 'if only g.imp will show more backbone. '
or 'gee a left cross right about now would feel good!'
But then I remember even I have not thrown a punch in anger in over 25 years. So I guess I am stuck working on this backbone issue.
Workout Commitment:
-failed in completing the final 2 cycles of last night's run.
Monday, June 26, 2006
More about the particulars
For those not 'In the Know,' which I sincerely hope takes in everyone currently reading this, this is my second go at blogging. In my first attempt, I was more of an angry 'I cannot believe my family is treating me this way...Where is the damn support??'
So this time when we cut back our hours (again. We really, truly want to be a 1 income family and I would need to rob several banks per year to match the better 1/2's annual income) I was not surprised when grandpap busted out the 'so you're going back to babysitting again?'
Dad was born in a different generation when men were men and women did all the clean-up work at family gatherings. He apparently holds similar hopes for his sons (and daughters??).
So with granddad offering up his opinions, one might think that we would try not to conversate with this man.
Wrong! While topics to avoid with dad include, lifestyle, politics, religion, health, career and/or education, he is still a highly educated, funny person.
Example:
when he was younger my brother had a car accident where the car went airborne and struck a tree. My brother bounced around the car and ended up in the ER with a nasty head wound. When my dad arrived they were about to shave my brother's head and stitch him up.
Dad's only comment?
"Can you shave 'buckle up, dumbass' on the other side?"
Ok, we are a weird family and I am blessed that my wife puts up with me. But let us look at the elder brother, shall we?
Our little sibling (remember the hero of our car accident story above?) is living at the old sib's house while attending school. The sister-in-law has decided that life would be more bearable without the extra boarder. So in an effort to smooth things over, the eldest brother called a family meeting.
(prior to expounding on this meeting let me just add that sis-in-law is an extrovert and baby bro is almost militantly introverted. For a good visual mix oil and water and you might understand how well things are going. Add gasoline and match if you want to add our eldest sib)
Issues at the moment are:
1 - not enough communication. Hell, little bro is not even married yet and this is STILL a major problem?? He may never walk down the aisle.
2 - late night dishes left stacked neatly in the sink. In his defense, he was instructed by the 'king of the palace' not to do the dishes. Not that it helped him in the end...
3 - not enough communication. How does one force and introvert to act like an extrovert?
So where is this long, lengthy and boring post leading?
Big bro opens his family meeting with:
So, we are here today because there are some serious issues that need to be resolved. Little bro, the wife is upset because you have not spent enough time outside painting the trim around the house.'
(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF??? Sis-in-Law - WTF??)
Elder bro to wife: and honey, if you have a big problem with little bro's talking, just tell him to stick a sock in his mouth.
(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF?? You ass!! Sis-in-Law - WTF?? You ass!!)
Elder bro to wife (much later in the conversation): Ok honey, I have heard enough whining around here...So I guess I will shut up now.
You simply cannot buy tickets to entertainment this funny!! and to think, I have ringside seats!!
So this time when we cut back our hours (again. We really, truly want to be a 1 income family and I would need to rob several banks per year to match the better 1/2's annual income) I was not surprised when grandpap busted out the 'so you're going back to babysitting again?'
Dad was born in a different generation when men were men and women did all the clean-up work at family gatherings. He apparently holds similar hopes for his sons (and daughters??).
So with granddad offering up his opinions, one might think that we would try not to conversate with this man.
Wrong! While topics to avoid with dad include, lifestyle, politics, religion, health, career and/or education, he is still a highly educated, funny person.
Example:
when he was younger my brother had a car accident where the car went airborne and struck a tree. My brother bounced around the car and ended up in the ER with a nasty head wound. When my dad arrived they were about to shave my brother's head and stitch him up.
Dad's only comment?
"Can you shave 'buckle up, dumbass' on the other side?"
Ok, we are a weird family and I am blessed that my wife puts up with me. But let us look at the elder brother, shall we?
Our little sibling (remember the hero of our car accident story above?) is living at the old sib's house while attending school. The sister-in-law has decided that life would be more bearable without the extra boarder. So in an effort to smooth things over, the eldest brother called a family meeting.
(prior to expounding on this meeting let me just add that sis-in-law is an extrovert and baby bro is almost militantly introverted. For a good visual mix oil and water and you might understand how well things are going. Add gasoline and match if you want to add our eldest sib)
Issues at the moment are:
1 - not enough communication. Hell, little bro is not even married yet and this is STILL a major problem?? He may never walk down the aisle.
2 - late night dishes left stacked neatly in the sink. In his defense, he was instructed by the 'king of the palace' not to do the dishes. Not that it helped him in the end...
3 - not enough communication. How does one force and introvert to act like an extrovert?
So where is this long, lengthy and boring post leading?
Big bro opens his family meeting with:
So, we are here today because there are some serious issues that need to be resolved. Little bro, the wife is upset because you have not spent enough time outside painting the trim around the house.'
(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF??? Sis-in-Law - WTF??)
Elder bro to wife: and honey, if you have a big problem with little bro's talking, just tell him to stick a sock in his mouth.
(quick flash to the other participants' expressions: Little Bro - WTF?? You ass!! Sis-in-Law - WTF?? You ass!!)
Elder bro to wife (much later in the conversation): Ok honey, I have heard enough whining around here...So I guess I will shut up now.
You simply cannot buy tickets to entertainment this funny!! and to think, I have ringside seats!!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Time for change
With Spring slowly moving into summer and inexorably toward the winter and Holidays, the food feasts are nearly upon us!
Yep, we are very nearly back to the stage of storing tha fat for winter!
Sooo, knowing my body's metabolism is nearly 10% as effective as it was, say, 20 years ago I have decided that a little help is needed.
Enter the 'Training Program'. I need to lose weight. No, I desperately need to lose weight!
(after all, one cannot truly be a trophy husband if one is not tanned and fit with a full head of hair--ok, fit with a full head of hair. Tanning is not an event I will ever experience.)
My target goal is to lose at least 20 lbs by Sept. (aggressive I know, but I will immediately be cutting out the junk food intake).
I am also into the 2nd week of the 'Couch Potato to 5k' running program and I will begin weight training as well.
yep, me me me me me me me
well back to the kids:
we went to the small-town festival near the zoo. 90 degree plus temps...almost no shade.
However, a glass of lemonade, two tiny hotdogs and a funnel cake and our g.imp loudly proclaimed that she was 'in Heaven!!!'
Love these little festivals!
Yep, we are very nearly back to the stage of storing tha fat for winter!
Sooo, knowing my body's metabolism is nearly 10% as effective as it was, say, 20 years ago I have decided that a little help is needed.
Enter the 'Training Program'. I need to lose weight. No, I desperately need to lose weight!
(after all, one cannot truly be a trophy husband if one is not tanned and fit with a full head of hair--ok, fit with a full head of hair. Tanning is not an event I will ever experience.)
My target goal is to lose at least 20 lbs by Sept. (aggressive I know, but I will immediately be cutting out the junk food intake).
I am also into the 2nd week of the 'Couch Potato to 5k' running program and I will begin weight training as well.
yep, me me me me me me me
well back to the kids:
we went to the small-town festival near the zoo. 90 degree plus temps...almost no shade.
However, a glass of lemonade, two tiny hotdogs and a funnel cake and our g.imp loudly proclaimed that she was 'in Heaven!!!'
Love these little festivals!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Well I was sitting working on a lame posting when...
our g.imp stumbled while hustling up the stairs. Yep, within 30 seconds blood was pumping out of her nose and within 5 minutes she was gargling it and spitting it out of her mouth.
Off to the ER...
On the way there g.imp cried a little, whimpered a little, and feared a lot.
After arriving and 'checking in' we sat. Probably because she stopped bleeding somewhere between our house and the ER. Not that I could tell, one would have had to break her arms to pry the towel off of her nose.
Then we were called in for the triage. As soon as the nurse asked her to remove the towel, it was flopped into my lap. G.imp Immediately started complimenting the nurse on the color of her scrubs (yep, not even 7 years old and she already knows how to work the room!). Then she proceeds to point to the huge blood spot on the towel and informs the nurse that mommy is going to have to use a lot of 'Shout' to get the stain out.
Performance repeated at Booth 3, before going back to see the doc. g.imp Also handled her DOB, address, phone number. Dad might as well have stayed in the car and listened to the game.
Just let me know when to pick her up at the exit...
Back in the examination room, I almost had to strap her to the bed as she was practically doing somersaults out of sheer boredom. Sooo, in order to keep herself occupied everytime g.imp spotted the doctor variations of this theme were announced:
g.imp: ok, he's coming our way...Nope! He's going somewhere else...Again!
Then she turns to me and informs me because she was here, she was now queen in our house for three weeks.
Of course I started to rationalize this and tried to talk her down...
And then the big, sad puppy eyes and the fingers barely brushing the side of her nose,
"but daddy, my nose hurts."
...Damn...
Off to the ER...
On the way there g.imp cried a little, whimpered a little, and feared a lot.
After arriving and 'checking in' we sat. Probably because she stopped bleeding somewhere between our house and the ER. Not that I could tell, one would have had to break her arms to pry the towel off of her nose.
Then we were called in for the triage. As soon as the nurse asked her to remove the towel, it was flopped into my lap. G.imp Immediately started complimenting the nurse on the color of her scrubs (yep, not even 7 years old and she already knows how to work the room!). Then she proceeds to point to the huge blood spot on the towel and informs the nurse that mommy is going to have to use a lot of 'Shout' to get the stain out.
Performance repeated at Booth 3, before going back to see the doc. g.imp Also handled her DOB, address, phone number. Dad might as well have stayed in the car and listened to the game.
Just let me know when to pick her up at the exit...
Back in the examination room, I almost had to strap her to the bed as she was practically doing somersaults out of sheer boredom. Sooo, in order to keep herself occupied everytime g.imp spotted the doctor variations of this theme were announced:
g.imp: ok, he's coming our way...Nope! He's going somewhere else...Again!
Then she turns to me and informs me because she was here, she was now queen in our house for three weeks.
Of course I started to rationalize this and tried to talk her down...
And then the big, sad puppy eyes and the fingers barely brushing the side of her nose,
"but daddy, my nose hurts."
...Damn...
Friday, June 23, 2006
Are we really that afraid of failure??
J's Mommy at anothermommymoment.blogspot.com had an interesting post about how coddling our society has come. Personally I think she only experienced the tip of the iceberg!
Coddling the kids has become mind-boggling/numbing where we live . The following examples actually occurred:
1- during my student teaching phase, I was told not to grade any lower than a 'C' because the students would stop trying. This was a college-prep English course!!
2- youth-league, athletic teams are not allowed to learn how to lose (therefore how to overcome adversity). At the end of each season everyone gets a trophy! I might be a godsforsaken, knuckle-dragging, Neanderthal but giving trophies to kids for losing like champions is not going to make the season any sweeter in their memories. A trip to the local ice-cream parlor on the other hand is (and was) better appreciated.
3- This year we had 20 (count them now) TWENTY!! Valedictorians graduate from our high school and all but 3, ALL BUT THREE!! had greater than a 4.0 GPA!
?????????WTF????????
Because of this and other incidents like them, I truly believe our kids are not being taught how to make/and then learn from their mistakes. I truly believe that our kids are being encouraged to not reach for that goal that might not be attainable (on the first, second or even third attempt) because they know it does not matter.
My own daughter has learned not risk anything new (unless being threatened/bullied by her uncaring parents). Why? Because if she does not try or fails, Hey! it's OK.
No risk, same reward!!
So, being the proactive dad that I am, the g.imp is currently enrolled in summer acting classes.
(there will be future blogs why we have a future Oscar winner)
I realize that I am going to, potentially, be the poster boy of bad parenting here, but I seriously believe that if my kids got passing grades and I could prove they literally made no effort, I would go to the school and demand they lower the grades to the appropriate level!
We want them to get involved with sports and learn what it is like to fail, no matter how hard they might try.
The key point is that 2nd place should not be rewarded like 1st place and that losing actually sucks!
They need to learn this so that they can overcome adversity later in life. No business out there, that I know of, wants to put the time in to teach these lessons to their prospective employees. They simply have too much to lose if they are risking their future viability on employees that do not know how to turn adversity into success!
These lessons need to be learned now!
Coddling the kids has become mind-boggling/numbing where we live . The following examples actually occurred:
1- during my student teaching phase, I was told not to grade any lower than a 'C' because the students would stop trying. This was a college-prep English course!!
2- youth-league, athletic teams are not allowed to learn how to lose (therefore how to overcome adversity). At the end of each season everyone gets a trophy! I might be a godsforsaken, knuckle-dragging, Neanderthal but giving trophies to kids for losing like champions is not going to make the season any sweeter in their memories. A trip to the local ice-cream parlor on the other hand is (and was) better appreciated.
3- This year we had 20 (count them now) TWENTY!! Valedictorians graduate from our high school and all but 3, ALL BUT THREE!! had greater than a 4.0 GPA!
?????????WTF????????
Because of this and other incidents like them, I truly believe our kids are not being taught how to make/and then learn from their mistakes. I truly believe that our kids are being encouraged to not reach for that goal that might not be attainable (on the first, second or even third attempt) because they know it does not matter.
My own daughter has learned not risk anything new (unless being threatened/bullied by her uncaring parents). Why? Because if she does not try or fails, Hey! it's OK.
No risk, same reward!!
So, being the proactive dad that I am, the g.imp is currently enrolled in summer acting classes.
(there will be future blogs why we have a future Oscar winner)
I realize that I am going to, potentially, be the poster boy of bad parenting here, but I seriously believe that if my kids got passing grades and I could prove they literally made no effort, I would go to the school and demand they lower the grades to the appropriate level!
We want them to get involved with sports and learn what it is like to fail, no matter how hard they might try.
The key point is that 2nd place should not be rewarded like 1st place and that losing actually sucks!
They need to learn this so that they can overcome adversity later in life. No business out there, that I know of, wants to put the time in to teach these lessons to their prospective employees. They simply have too much to lose if they are risking their future viability on employees that do not know how to turn adversity into success!
These lessons need to be learned now!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
One would think I could learn...
Before married life, I was happily ignorant social graces. Being single meant that I could cook what I wanted and eat it anywhere in the apartment. And cleaning meant scaring the roaches out of site before guests came over and if anyone ever offered me something I liked, they certainly did not have to ask twice!
I have since learned about the 'Offer Three Times' rule. Apparently if someone offers me something that I like, I have to make them offer it to me three times before accepting.
For instance, while visiting my fiancee (now wife) at her home in the Philippines her father offered me a plate and gestured to the buffet. Me, being hungry and the only white man there, gladly took the offered plate and the opportunity to actually do something other than stand there wondering if anyone was talking about/laughing at me.
Weeeell, I found out later that my bride-to-be was highly embarrassed by my actions. Yep, I should have politely declined her dad's orders and then made him repeat them at least two more times.
Sooo, fast forward 12 years.
Last night I was running some errands and called the better 1/2 to ask if she wanted a shake or something. She did say no. After arriving she saw that I actually did buy her a shake (going on the premise that getting her something she did not want was better than not getting her something she later decided she might like). Anyway she twice more refused to take the shake.
I on the other hand finished my drink and decided to polish off the unwanted shake, without first discussing this possibility with the wife.
About 1/2 hour after I started in on the shake, it turned out that she did want the shake.
So, I get in trouble!!!
I followed the "Offer the damn thing 3-times rule!" but I forgot the caveat that states, 'if the person to whom the item is being offered is your wife, the 3-times rule is voided and the heretofore unheard of 4-times rule is now in effect.'
Who knew?
I have since learned about the 'Offer Three Times' rule. Apparently if someone offers me something that I like, I have to make them offer it to me three times before accepting.
For instance, while visiting my fiancee (now wife) at her home in the Philippines her father offered me a plate and gestured to the buffet. Me, being hungry and the only white man there, gladly took the offered plate and the opportunity to actually do something other than stand there wondering if anyone was talking about/laughing at me.
Weeeell, I found out later that my bride-to-be was highly embarrassed by my actions. Yep, I should have politely declined her dad's orders and then made him repeat them at least two more times.
Sooo, fast forward 12 years.
Last night I was running some errands and called the better 1/2 to ask if she wanted a shake or something. She did say no. After arriving she saw that I actually did buy her a shake (going on the premise that getting her something she did not want was better than not getting her something she later decided she might like). Anyway she twice more refused to take the shake.
I on the other hand finished my drink and decided to polish off the unwanted shake, without first discussing this possibility with the wife.
About 1/2 hour after I started in on the shake, it turned out that she did want the shake.
So, I get in trouble!!!
I followed the "Offer the damn thing 3-times rule!" but I forgot the caveat that states, 'if the person to whom the item is being offered is your wife, the 3-times rule is voided and the heretofore unheard of 4-times rule is now in effect.'
Who knew?
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I almost felt good there for a moment
I opened my blog this p.m. and was enjoying what I have created. Granted it is not the fiction that I am also pursuing...
(the current plan is to focus on the kids and when they both go to school full-time, pursue my writing interests and actually complete one of the many manuscripts that are languishing under my 11pm - 2am -infrequent- writing binges).
I picked up the 'puter to move to the next room and g.imp wandered by and read the screen while we transitioned to the next room (she is six and is currently reading her first Harry Potter book!).
Anyway, she read the title of my blog and asked what 'SAHD' meant.
Me: it means Stay At Home Dad
g.imp: Oh. Why don't you just write it out
Me: Because we like to give ourselves cute little titles
g.imp: (long pause--brief glazed look in her eyes) whatever!
I was going to end the post here but the dvd machine decided to chew up the Disney music cd that I was playing for the imps. So the following ensued:
g.imp: I think the machine does not like it. Can we put in another one...Disney. I like Disney.
Me: Ok. Or would you like Rock'n'Roll? (we have a fair sized collection of old and new rock, some country and a tad of blues, jazz and classical. But I am currently in a rock frame of soul).
g.imp: Oh daddy! let's do that one! Shanee Tane! Shanee...what's her name?
Me: Shania Twain?
g.imp: yes her! I like her!
Me: (staring longingly at my Aerosmith, Who and Derek and the Dominoes) oh, alright.
Just how close do you think I am from encountering a full-fledged attack of 'Girl Power'??
But as the wife commented last night as long as the name Brittany is not included in any way, shape or form...
(the current plan is to focus on the kids and when they both go to school full-time, pursue my writing interests and actually complete one of the many manuscripts that are languishing under my 11pm - 2am -infrequent- writing binges).
I picked up the 'puter to move to the next room and g.imp wandered by and read the screen while we transitioned to the next room (she is six and is currently reading her first Harry Potter book!).
Anyway, she read the title of my blog and asked what 'SAHD' meant.
Me: it means Stay At Home Dad
g.imp: Oh. Why don't you just write it out
Me: Because we like to give ourselves cute little titles
g.imp: (long pause--brief glazed look in her eyes) whatever!
I was going to end the post here but the dvd machine decided to chew up the Disney music cd that I was playing for the imps. So the following ensued:
g.imp: I think the machine does not like it. Can we put in another one...Disney. I like Disney.
Me: Ok. Or would you like Rock'n'Roll? (we have a fair sized collection of old and new rock, some country and a tad of blues, jazz and classical. But I am currently in a rock frame of soul).
g.imp: Oh daddy! let's do that one! Shanee Tane! Shanee...what's her name?
Me: Shania Twain?
g.imp: yes her! I like her!
Me: (staring longingly at my Aerosmith, Who and Derek and the Dominoes) oh, alright.
Just how close do you think I am from encountering a full-fledged attack of 'Girl Power'??
But as the wife commented last night as long as the name Brittany is not included in any way, shape or form...
Have you ever...
Have you ever been to a restaurant with your date, spouse, significant other and the whole time you are talking he is looking over your head trying to catch the latest sports scores/updates?
Well that used to be me (ok it still is me when I am seated in the right direction). Last night it was my wife...
OH YEAH!!!
And she was watching ESPN's coverage of the Roger Clemen's news conference. Neither of us really like him as our favorite player and we do not really follow the team for which he pitches. However, it was sports related and she at least offered updates.
Turns out he was having the press conference to talk about his upcoming start with his current team...BIG YAWN!
But did I mention that it was my WIFE watching the show!!
I might have asked this before, BUT does it ever get any better than this???
Well that used to be me (ok it still is me when I am seated in the right direction). Last night it was my wife...
OH YEAH!!!
And she was watching ESPN's coverage of the Roger Clemen's news conference. Neither of us really like him as our favorite player and we do not really follow the team for which he pitches. However, it was sports related and she at least offered updates.
Turns out he was having the press conference to talk about his upcoming start with his current team...BIG YAWN!
But did I mention that it was my WIFE watching the show!!
I might have asked this before, BUT does it ever get any better than this???
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Day Tripping...
Before forcing myself to relive the past 3 hours I do have to ask...Things do get better don't they?
Ok, this a.m., after a surprise business call, I decided that it was too nice of a day to stay inside and hide from the biting flies and mosquitoes that have re-infested our neighborhood.
Speaking of unwanted gifts from Nature, we recently had an infestation of carpenter ants. Here is how it was resolved:
Me: Hey I killed another ant in the bathroom today. That makes about six this week.
Better 1/2: Is that all (she is at work and understandably a little distracted)
Me: (can she be serious? ants are like roaches and mice. If you see one, then they are building subdivisions behind the walls!!) Weeeell, yes. I called my cousin to send someone out. (my cousin works at a pest control company).
Better 1/2: For six ants???? I can't believe you!
me: What? Huh?
better 1/2: So you see 2 or 3 ants and now you are going to nuke them?
me: well, yea (Hell, I'd seriously consider mustard gas if I were guaranteed of keeping nature where it belongs...In somebody else's house!) . I mean if they're carpenter ants...
better 1/2: I don't know. It's only 2 or 3 ants
me: (I don't like the direction this math is taking us) well, they will just be giving us and estimate the first visit. I also have to catch a specimen for them. I guess if they aren't eating our house from the inside out, I'll have to find another way...
As it turned out we had carpenter ants nesting in our roof, one of the trees in our yard and checking out locations in our bathrooms, and every other tree (8) in our yard.
The mushroom clouds erupted over our house and lawn approximately 3 weeks ago.
So back to the day trip...
I decided that we should go to the zoo. After all we have a zoo pass, it is summer. It just seems like something a cool dad would do to score points with the kids.
So, I get a phone call from a landowner I leased last year and during the ensuing conversation, made a wrong turn. But I did stumble through a picturesque community that is having a festival this weekend and guess who is going??
Back at the zoo, we had to eat because we somehow got behind schedule. The animal exhibits would have to wait until the imps were fed. No problem. We took our time, because we had all day and it was not so hot when we arrived. However it was hot by the time the imps expressed their desire to motivate onward.
This meant that g.imp wanted to run ahead and daddy got to carry b.imp on his shoulders along with the backpack full of cold--um, relatively lukewarm-- water.
First stop the Lions. Well, 1 lion hunkered down in the shade. From the distance we did see his head. However by the time dad and b.imp made it to the front of the crowd, g.imp had seen her fill and was moving on-- right to the t.v. positioned in the shelter next to the exhibit so that when one sat to see the t.v., one could not see the animals in the exhibit.
Both imps thought that sitting there all afternoon at the zoo, watching t.v. pictures of lions and other big cats was a terrific idea! Not today kids! Dad stepped in and got the show on the road.
B.imp wanted to walk now. We had shade for about two minutes. Then b.imp had to ride. There was a definite pattern happening here and I knew I was not going to be happy.
On to the Elephants! Who doesn't like the elephants! Everyone was going to the enclosure. Mama and baby elephants were wandering both indoors and out. We went in...and immediately ignored the Giant Glass Windows behind which the elephants were mere feet away. Huge beasts strolling casually back and forth munching hay letting us see them from every conceivable angle.
Yet the imps were staring at the empty pens on the far side of the room. Begging for quarters to squeeze pennies into different souvenir shapes and generally blowing off the entire exhibit. At least we were out of the sun...
Moving on we had the choice of walking several minutes to see the North American animals or walking several minutes to see the sea creatures.
g.imp: I'm ready to go home dad.
(She apparently had been to the zoo with her class just before summer vacation. Too bad dad did not remember signing the permission slip. I think that her even expressing the slightest interest in stopping at any exhibit was a minor miracle.)
Ooooookay...
$4 for water, $16 for lunch 21/2 hours to see 1 Lion, 1 t.v. program about lions, 2 elephants.
How it feels to be the cool dad?
Priceless
Ok, this a.m., after a surprise business call, I decided that it was too nice of a day to stay inside and hide from the biting flies and mosquitoes that have re-infested our neighborhood.
Speaking of unwanted gifts from Nature, we recently had an infestation of carpenter ants. Here is how it was resolved:
Me: Hey I killed another ant in the bathroom today. That makes about six this week.
Better 1/2: Is that all (she is at work and understandably a little distracted)
Me: (can she be serious? ants are like roaches and mice. If you see one, then they are building subdivisions behind the walls!!) Weeeell, yes. I called my cousin to send someone out. (my cousin works at a pest control company).
Better 1/2: For six ants???? I can't believe you!
me: What? Huh?
better 1/2: So you see 2 or 3 ants and now you are going to nuke them?
me: well, yea (Hell, I'd seriously consider mustard gas if I were guaranteed of keeping nature where it belongs...In somebody else's house!) . I mean if they're carpenter ants...
better 1/2: I don't know. It's only 2 or 3 ants
me: (I don't like the direction this math is taking us) well, they will just be giving us and estimate the first visit. I also have to catch a specimen for them. I guess if they aren't eating our house from the inside out, I'll have to find another way...
As it turned out we had carpenter ants nesting in our roof, one of the trees in our yard and checking out locations in our bathrooms, and every other tree (8) in our yard.
The mushroom clouds erupted over our house and lawn approximately 3 weeks ago.
So back to the day trip...
I decided that we should go to the zoo. After all we have a zoo pass, it is summer. It just seems like something a cool dad would do to score points with the kids.
So, I get a phone call from a landowner I leased last year and during the ensuing conversation, made a wrong turn. But I did stumble through a picturesque community that is having a festival this weekend and guess who is going??
Back at the zoo, we had to eat because we somehow got behind schedule. The animal exhibits would have to wait until the imps were fed. No problem. We took our time, because we had all day and it was not so hot when we arrived. However it was hot by the time the imps expressed their desire to motivate onward.
This meant that g.imp wanted to run ahead and daddy got to carry b.imp on his shoulders along with the backpack full of cold--um, relatively lukewarm-- water.
First stop the Lions. Well, 1 lion hunkered down in the shade. From the distance we did see his head. However by the time dad and b.imp made it to the front of the crowd, g.imp had seen her fill and was moving on-- right to the t.v. positioned in the shelter next to the exhibit so that when one sat to see the t.v., one could not see the animals in the exhibit.
Both imps thought that sitting there all afternoon at the zoo, watching t.v. pictures of lions and other big cats was a terrific idea! Not today kids! Dad stepped in and got the show on the road.
B.imp wanted to walk now. We had shade for about two minutes. Then b.imp had to ride. There was a definite pattern happening here and I knew I was not going to be happy.
On to the Elephants! Who doesn't like the elephants! Everyone was going to the enclosure. Mama and baby elephants were wandering both indoors and out. We went in...and immediately ignored the Giant Glass Windows behind which the elephants were mere feet away. Huge beasts strolling casually back and forth munching hay letting us see them from every conceivable angle.
Yet the imps were staring at the empty pens on the far side of the room. Begging for quarters to squeeze pennies into different souvenir shapes and generally blowing off the entire exhibit. At least we were out of the sun...
Moving on we had the choice of walking several minutes to see the North American animals or walking several minutes to see the sea creatures.
g.imp: I'm ready to go home dad.
(She apparently had been to the zoo with her class just before summer vacation. Too bad dad did not remember signing the permission slip. I think that her even expressing the slightest interest in stopping at any exhibit was a minor miracle.)
Ooooookay...
$4 for water, $16 for lunch 21/2 hours to see 1 Lion, 1 t.v. program about lions, 2 elephants.
How it feels to be the cool dad?
Priceless
Monday, June 19, 2006
On to the Particulars...
Since setting sail on this adventure, I have noticed that other bloggers seem quite comfortable with naming the names of their kids, wives, husbands, etc...
Even though I am posting my thoughtsand emotions online, I feel that perhaps I should be willing to follow along the path blazed by others. However, I am also not inclined to run with the crowd. That and I am a tad self-centered, somewhat blunt, and I have this desire to be both 'out there' and intensely private. Private wins in this issue.
So, the characters in this and future plays are as follows:
Me : Me, I, myself
The Wife: the wife, my better half, our long-suffering angel, the boss, the light of my life (ok, this is laying it on a bit thick, but on the off-chance she actually reads this post, it also cannot hurt)
HEY! a fat man on a 10-speed almost took out 2 or 3 of the audience members on 'The Late Show'!!
our daughter: g.imp (girl imp contracted...yes I know an apostrophe is traditional but get over it)
our son: b.imp
Whatever happened to mom and dad saying, "time for bed kids" and the little ones would scurry off like roaches in the kitchen when the light snaps on...?
A little over a year ago, I went back to work full-time. Obviously an office environment was not an option so I went back to the old standby, the Natural Resources industry. My particular job is driving around the backroads and byways of the State and convincing people that 2,000 to 8,000 feet deep holes in their lawns are good things. Ironically, it really helps to sell this viewpoint when prices are up.
So, while I was out on the road we needed help around the house. To that end, my wife's fam stepped up and delivered. Her mother, her sister-in-law and her niece alternately moved in with us and helped care for the imps.
However, as the age group our visitors grew younger, I noticed the quality of food became, somewhat less home cooked and more along the instant variety (or hand-delivered to a table along with the bill).
Eventually other oddities came to light. The b.imp used to take a bath/brush teeth, say prayers, read a book and sleep (it was more a less a crap shoot with the g.imp but she at least stayed in her bed and was quiet). Now that I am home, I can see how much back-sliding has occurred.
Before continuing I do have to admit that I am very grateful and thankful for the help of my in-laws. The wife and I would have not been able to take advantage of many opportunities without their presence/help.
However having the b.imp scream, yell, wail, whimper, cry and thrash his way through two hours a night before finally sobbing his way to dreamland was a bridge I thought we had already crossed and burned.
...four and a half hours have passed since my wife and the b.imp disappeared into his room and it is just now quiet.
Dare I hope???
(ok, I know I look bad here but I did do the dishes, iron several shirts--without leaving an imprint of the iron burned into the cloth -- and actually considered vacuuming the carpets. But hey, I am still a guy and do have my standards)
Even though I am posting my thoughts
So, the characters in this and future plays are as follows:
Me : Me, I, myself
The Wife: the wife, my better half, our long-suffering angel, the boss, the light of my life (ok, this is laying it on a bit thick, but on the off-chance she actually reads this post, it also cannot hurt)
HEY! a fat man on a 10-speed almost took out 2 or 3 of the audience members on 'The Late Show'!!
our daughter: g.imp (girl imp contracted...yes I know an apostrophe is traditional but get over it)
our son: b.imp
Whatever happened to mom and dad saying, "time for bed kids" and the little ones would scurry off like roaches in the kitchen when the light snaps on...?
A little over a year ago, I went back to work full-time. Obviously an office environment was not an option so I went back to the old standby, the Natural Resources industry. My particular job is driving around the backroads and byways of the State and convincing people that 2,000 to 8,000 feet deep holes in their lawns are good things. Ironically, it really helps to sell this viewpoint when prices are up.
So, while I was out on the road we needed help around the house. To that end, my wife's fam stepped up and delivered. Her mother, her sister-in-law and her niece alternately moved in with us and helped care for the imps.
However, as the age group our visitors grew younger, I noticed the quality of food became, somewhat less home cooked and more along the instant variety (or hand-delivered to a table along with the bill).
Eventually other oddities came to light. The b.imp used to take a bath/brush teeth, say prayers, read a book and sleep (it was more a less a crap shoot with the g.imp but she at least stayed in her bed and was quiet). Now that I am home, I can see how much back-sliding has occurred.
Before continuing I do have to admit that I am very grateful and thankful for the help of my in-laws. The wife and I would have not been able to take advantage of many opportunities without their presence/help.
However having the b.imp scream, yell, wail, whimper, cry and thrash his way through two hours a night before finally sobbing his way to dreamland was a bridge I thought we had already crossed and burned.
...four and a half hours have passed since my wife and the b.imp disappeared into his room and it is just now quiet.
Dare I hope???
(ok, I know I look bad here but I did do the dishes, iron several shirts--without leaving an imprint of the iron burned into the cloth -- and actually considered vacuuming the carpets. But hey, I am still a guy and do have my standards)
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Life Cannot Get Any Better Than This, Right?
Having lurked online reading posts from other At Home parents, it has become clear that the good fight is under way. This means that while I will address parenting issues as a Stay At Home Dad, they will not be the only issues covered.
The reason I am even contemplating this venture is because of the support of my wife. Yes, I can hardly believe it myself. I am married to a woman who actually encourages me to spend time on the internet!
While pondering my good fortune, I have to admit that she also has supported my career choices. We found out very early that I am not an office rat. I do not function at high levels over long periods, when shackled to a desk. I truly do not even enjoy the thought of visiting an office, much less being forced to work in one. She on the other hand thrives. God bless her.
But marriage is not a one-way street. When we first married, she could not stand and did not understand football or baseball. Now after more than 12 years of marriage, we not only watch games on the television, she will actually look for and listen to them on the radio!
Have I mentioned that life is good?
Ok, before I hear about how self-centered I am, I also have to watch shows on Bravo. I am expected to change sinus-cleansing diapers without the aid of an environmental suit, take and pick-up the kids from their extra-curriculars and be interested enough sign them up for those activities (ok, this is taking some actual effort, but I have improved).
One last detail, and this actually shocked me, I put the tiny imp to bed (and listened to him scream, up close and personal, for an hour-and-a-half) and went back into the family room to catch my better half at least two episodes into the latest Dr. Who marathon on the sci fi channel!!
Damn!!!
I did mention that life was good, right?
Having lurked online reading posts from other At Home parents, it has become clear that the good fight is under way. This means that while I will address parenting issues as a Stay At Home Dad, they will not be the only issues covered.
The reason I am even contemplating this venture is because of the support of my wife. Yes, I can hardly believe it myself. I am married to a woman who actually encourages me to spend time on the internet!
While pondering my good fortune, I have to admit that she also has supported my career choices. We found out very early that I am not an office rat. I do not function at high levels over long periods, when shackled to a desk. I truly do not even enjoy the thought of visiting an office, much less being forced to work in one. She on the other hand thrives. God bless her.
But marriage is not a one-way street. When we first married, she could not stand and did not understand football or baseball. Now after more than 12 years of marriage, we not only watch games on the television, she will actually look for and listen to them on the radio!
Have I mentioned that life is good?
Ok, before I hear about how self-centered I am, I also have to watch shows on Bravo. I am expected to change sinus-cleansing diapers without the aid of an environmental suit, take and pick-up the kids from their extra-curriculars and be interested enough sign them up for those activities (ok, this is taking some actual effort, but I have improved).
One last detail, and this actually shocked me, I put the tiny imp to bed (and listened to him scream, up close and personal, for an hour-and-a-half) and went back into the family room to catch my better half at least two episodes into the latest Dr. Who marathon on the sci fi channel!!
Damn!!!
I did mention that life was good, right?
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